Yesterday when I saw her,I saw a hope.
It’s was enough to keep me smiling.
Today when I see her,I see defeat.
Enough to keep me tormenting.
But God I still wanna she her tomorrow and the days to come.
Not because tomorrow might be different and that I might get a chance.
I just want to make sure what I didn’t get,what I couldn’t have,what was stolen from me.
She has it all and more…..she always has the smile that I was wearing yesterday.
I don’t know where to begin.
I don’t know where it begins.
Its like walking into a maze to find the exit only to forget where the entrance was.
Its funny that you can be lost when you have been given way more paths that you may need.
The more opportunities life presents the more there is the chance of success right?
But why don’t they ever mention that there will be equally more disappointment and disheartening when those door slam on your face back to back…one by one.
Yes I’m a workaholic.
I enjoy working.
Also I’m not a workaholic
Because I don’t have to particularly like my work.
Confused?
Let me explain..I love “working”. Constantly acquiring myself with deadline even tho I my find no particular interest in what the work actually is.
Working long hours makes sure I’m exhausted..makes sures that I will pass out as soon as I hit that mattresses thats ready for me.
Makes sure that I don’t get enough time to think.Cause when I do the dark thoughts creep in.The thoughts that would usually keep awake at night.
Working long hours is not stressful but instead helps me find peace.Work is the only place I belong to.No one or nothing else helps me find that sense of belonging.
For deadlines helps me feel alive?
If you want to start comparing and complaining on how much resources others have got.Then bear in mind to look also at those who have got a lot more problem than you.
There will always be people who have more than you.More of anything and everything.
But if you want to box yourself at the extreme end of any scale then thats just denying the balance that you already have in life.
What “may” bring extreme happiness to you should never be prioritized over whats already bringing you with little happiness you have in life.
Because that little happiness is why you are able to dream, able to wake up everyday and work for it.
People keep asking if others believe in karma or not.When I say people…I mean myself most of the time
First thing to remember is karma is a passive thing rather than an active one.(Remember this as we will be coming onto it again)
Now before we talk just about karma we gotta to talk about values.Values are your principles in life,Your own sense of good and bad. Emphasis on “Your own” because everyone has different values
What would mean a lot to you might not mean anything to the person in front of you.And even if it does…. People are willing to bend their own principles and rules if it benefits them.
At that moment of time…they are too busy with what they have to gain rather than whats to lose for other person.And so they do what they want eventually disregarding karma (coming to why its disregard)
If something good happens they must have done something to deserve it and vice versa.(karma 101)
Now coming back to the point I said before karma is passive thing by I mean that people only think about karma in their day to day life if something only if good or bad happens to them not before that (no one thinks of karma before doing anything..thus disregarded)
Karma is harldy thought of before any specific “action” because people are ignorant or just to busy about how it benefits them (as we discussed in values).
So karma only exists in your mind when something happens and when you look back it at which point you have already made yourself believe in karma.
Because if you didn’t believe in karma you would never think of “I must have done something/Deserve it” if something had happened.
So “does karma exists?” the answer is “yes,if you believe in it and even so karma might exist just for you since you cant changes peoples active thoughts” (they barely can do it themselves)
I’m here same as yesterday and the day before that.
Time has changed so have the people with me.
Suddenly the thoughts creep in my head and I start to wonder if I am having a tough time to move with the people I am with or do they move on way too quickly leaving me behind.
I’m Wondering now….. Wondering how long before the people I currently have with me move on with their life too.
And me?….well I would be in search of new people to fit into my life as I always am.
Just like the last saved point on your game.
The girl…she only had one wish in her life…. unconditional love from someone.
The boys wish was to make sure girl’s wish came true.
So he loved her with all he had….with all the hope and madness.
But one day his love was too much for the girl to handle.
The girl felt suffocating with all this feelings for her and had no idea what to do with it.
It was the movement boy realized girl had no idea what she wanted….it was just a wishful thinking.
I am there even though I am not,
I am the darkness that lies in your blind spot.
I am the emptiness that fills in the blank space,
Because deep down you know that you are a disgrace!
I am why you lay awake in bed for hours.
You think you are tired and have no power?
Be still …. don’t move…..just stare at ticking clock.
Oh hello I am the one you have forgot.
I can’t be undone…..I can’t be outrun.
So stay still and just be “Numb”.
I saw a dream last night.
You were there with me.
We were walking down the road holding hands.
It was a beautiful dream.
We had so much fun in it.
I made jokes …you laughed… seeing you laughing…I laughed too.
It felt so real….I felt the warmth of your hands….the nervousness of being so close to each other.
Now that I am awake….you aren’t here.
You choose not to be with me and that’s fine….that’s okay.
But it’s sad and funny to admit that the best memory I will ever have of you …..will be of a dream….It will be of a moment that never actually happened.
It’s that moment in which you were there with me…even though you didn’t existed at all.
It hard…..
It’s hard to be with someone who doesn’t need you.
It’s hard to be with someone who doesn’t want you anymore.
Its hard to be with someone who has recently changed.
It’s hard to be with someone who constantly pushes you away.
But we still stick with them don’t we.
We still try to do our best because of past promises…. because of care…. because of love…. because of habit.
I am still struggling with that….so sure as hell I can’t help you….I know it’s difficult.
But the least we can do is show the people who stay with us a bit of appreciation.
Because sometimes we chase of someone so blindly, We forget to take care of the people who we are blessed with.
So here’s goes my mantra-
I love someone and I chase them and I will keep chasing them unless the day I can’t……but right now I am only capable of doing so because of everyone else I have.
Explanation For Emotions 